Finding your purpose after infertility

What is the biggest struggle after infertility?

Answer: 

I believe that the biggest struggle is to overcome a particular moment, or even moments, of trauma associated with infertility and childlessness.

Trauma is like a movie reel in our head which has a long-lasting effect on a person’s mental and emotional outlook. Most often, we associate trauma with events like war, death, accidents, and other events that threaten our lives. But there is trauma in everyday events that to an outsider seem quite innocuous but each person reacts differently to different situations.  Infertility in particular can cause trauma at many different levels. It is so natural to have children and if it doesn’t happen, a person may become angry as to why their body is not doing what it is supposed to do. Or, friends and family offer unsolicited and insensitive advice to the tune of “just relax” or “why don’t you just adopt”. In addition, many women experience miscarriages in silence and the monthly occurrence of a period can remind a woman again and again that her dream of motherhood is not fulfilled. All these circumstances erode a person’s joy and confidence for the future and often result in grief, which is widely invalidated and misunderstood because it is “invisible grief”.

How can a person make sense of their life without children?

Answer:  I believe that childlessness can be an opportunity. Of course, none of us wanted to be really part of that club, but now that we are, it is our time to dig deep and shine.  Just like any adverse life event can cause one to falter or to rise, so can childlessness. But first, people have gone through the ringer with the trauma, grief, isolation, and in the case of women after fertility treatments and hormonal imbalances, they need to feel like themselves again and comfortable in their own body, mind, and spirit. 

What suggestions do you have to deal with the grief and moving forward?

Answer:  Teilhard de Chardin said: You are not a human being in search of a spiritual experience. You are a spiritual being immersed in a human experience. 

I believe that whoever has experienced childlessness not by choice needs to dig deep and gain an appreciation for who they are as a soul and human being. Then, the person can start focusing on mastering self-love and self-care. They need to listen to their body, mind, and spirit to feel safe, nourished and supported. Once that is achieved, the childless person can get into alignment with what their body and mind needs. Lastly, by facing deep-rooted fears and establishing sound boundaries, they can solidify their authentic self.

When I work with my clients, I support and guide them through the steps of self-discovery and self-care with traditional healing tools, like nutritional supplementation, mindset work, hormonal balancing so that they can heal from their trauma. This allows them to get into alignment with their soul’s purpose and find their path.